Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
