My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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