I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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