Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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