Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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