like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
