Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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