So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the liver wants what the liver wants
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
