does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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