So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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