first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
