Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
