I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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