I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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