took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
