Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
