that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
