it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
