I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
