So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
