Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
