I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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