you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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