hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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