Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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