He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Randomize
