what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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