I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
