it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
