Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
