Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
