i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
