I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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