Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
