i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were trust falling into bushes
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
