that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
