she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
