Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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