Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
