I smell stomach acid.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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