a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
