The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I believe in your delicious
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
