question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
