dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
