Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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