We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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