I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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