Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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