So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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