sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
