Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
